Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
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I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
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I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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