I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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