I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
