Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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