If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
