if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Randomize
