How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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