Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
