Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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