It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
