Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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