he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
