Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
