Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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