i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
