dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
