I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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