Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
