I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
