My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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