Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
