You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize