Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
