i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
