i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
