First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
