And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Semen is not good for contacts.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
