Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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