I can't watch pbs sober anymore
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
