and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
My bed smells like the plague
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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