6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Randomize
