dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
nutella sex= disaster
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
