I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
do nipples grow back?
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