After last night, I could never be a politician.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
