i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
