She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
