you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
