You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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