At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
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Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
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I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings