We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Dating After Heartbreak
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.