Well douche your snatch and let's go!
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
