Texts From Last Night

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  (419): View more from Ohio

  I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids

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  (419): I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids http://tfl.nu/0arl
  Replies (11) Good night (984) Bad night (1173)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.

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  (603): Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror. http://tfl.nu/is4s
  Replies (25) Good night (8337) Bad night (1261)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink

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  (586): hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink http://tfl.nu/wrew
  Replies (4) Good night (2131) Bad night (1077)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....

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  (813): Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night.... http://tfl.nu/k2vf
  Replies (3) Good night (2350) Bad night (1077)
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  (915): View more from Texas

  and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.

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  (915): and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house. http://tfl.nu/ztys
  Replies (7) Good night (3454) Bad night (1136)
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.

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  (520): Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries. http://tfl.nu/00in
  Replies (6) Good night (2615) Bad night (832)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.

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  (613): Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this. http://tfl.nu/j53e
  Replies (6) Good night (1293) Bad night (2146)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."

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  (248): She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November." http://tfl.nu/2gt1
  Replies (5) Good night (2460) Bad night (599)
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?

  (1-623): View more from Arizona

  You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.

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  (623): How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you? (1-623): You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror. http://tfl.nu/pl6g
  Replies (10) Good night (891) Bad night (1569)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.

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  (541): I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom. http://tfl.nu/egj2
  Replies (6) Good night (1444) Bad night (439)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count

  (516): View more from New York

  then nothing in my life counts

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  (860): official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count (516): then nothing in my life counts http://tfl.nu/4fe8
  Replies (8) Good night (1777) Bad night (433)
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  (496): View more from

  I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically

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  (496): I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically http://tfl.nu/83i3
  Replies (4) Good night (779) Bad night (330)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find

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  (215): shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find http://tfl.nu/sf13
  Replies (4) Good night (600) Bad night (336)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable

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  (630): I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable http://tfl.nu/z2xr
  Replies (1) Good night (251) Bad night (501)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.

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  (661): You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint. http://tfl.nu/10tx
  Replies (1) Good night (623) Bad night (165)

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