I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day