My room smells like vodka and shame
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
