half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
