i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
