That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
