My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
