I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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