I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
