i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
