Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
