nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
