I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
