Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
