I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I need to align my fucking chakras
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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