He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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