I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
