I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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