the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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