Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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