I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
