I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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