You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize