Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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