I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
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