You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
