The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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