She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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