imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
