If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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