So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
