Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
No more Irish car bombs ever.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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