I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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