Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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