dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i dont even know how to be here
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
