ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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