it wasn't lemon gatorade
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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