Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
