True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
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