I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
