Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
