she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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