and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize