see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
