Where did you get a picture of my penis
wanna go halves on a baby?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
