You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
