My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
