I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
