Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
