a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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