Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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