I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
