ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
