I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I could fuck to npr.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
