Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
