so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It's never too late to be topless.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize